Anyone else thinking parenting falls into this category? I had these great thoughts that my boys would turn out like my brother. Conner is just, well... rare. Amazing. I thought my kids would feel toward me the way I feel toward my own parents. Respectful, aware, awed. I cared so much about my parents approval as a kid, and still as an adult really. That was the reason for a lot of the decisions I made.
But ya know what, I don't think my boys have that. Cooper thinks we're equals- that he can tell me the way it is just as much as (or more even) I tell him. He has no problem ignoring me before I'm even finished making a request. And Ryder, well he's still so young, but he doesn't seem to care too much about what I say either.
I don't think I had the delusion that my kids would be perfect, I guess I just thought it would be... well, more natural or something. I realize I'm so new to parenting, but it kinda strikes me that it's not one of those things that practice can actually perfect. Certainly improve, but not perfect.
I guess I'm just thinking that I can see I'm stumbling as a mother in lots of ways right now. I hope it passes to a degree, that it's just their ages or their age difference or whatever else. I hope they do actually care enough that I affect their choices someday. Like any Mom, I just want the best for them. Want them to want the best for themselves.
How do you ever feel like that best is... well... you?
Another thing probably best not to practice: catching bees! This is sting number two in two days! Yes, indeed, Mom's warnings to catch other bugs instead went in one ear and out the other...
PS. Find my article in today's Times News about a benefit cookout in honor of a local injured Police Officer by clicking HERE! Probably my fav story I've covered so far. :)
