Truth: I'm really just kinda kidding myself every January when I make any sort of resolutions.
I know full well I'm not great at even setting, let alone achieving, goals.
I just kinda put effort into what seems right, try to get inspiration in a decisive degree,
and then just... go with it. I think I try not to sabotage myself. I really hope. ;)
So I won't bore anyone, least of all my own self,
with any list of goals that I'm just pretending at anyway.
But, I do really like coming up with a word for the year.
Seems more solid to me or something.
Last year: control. Hmm... ya, let's just not really even go there...
This year...
My husband works a full time job and owns/ manages a full time business. He's away from home a lot. Maybe not on some business trip across the country or anything, but just gone from home, working right here in town at the retail shop, or answering pages to the hospital (he's a medical equipment technician). After he got a page on New Years Eve, I had the silly thought run through my head, "I'm just gonna pretend he's a doctor." Ha! No, it didn't solve anything, just needed something random to think of in that moment I guess.
The reason I mention it at all is because, as a result of his "spread-thin-edness," I found this year to be one of plenty of disappointments. Lots and lots of goodness and joy and success too, for sure. Just also a lot of defeated expectations mixed in. We can't plan on going to a movie, or having a a family game night. As sure as we do, Stephen gets called back in to the hospital or the shop has to be open late. I've cancelled enough babysitters and consoled bummed little boys enough this last year to know...
Of course, we still have date night and family play time... we just do it more on the fly, more impromptu. In this way and others, I've learned in the last year that I need to be more flexible during this next one. I don't want to feel upset, or at least not fan the flames of my upset, as a result of things that we can't change. The last thing I want is for Stephen to quit one of his jobs. Our business certainly can't go and the full-time job can't either... So I can't be getting down on him when I have to tell the boys they won't get to see their Dad until the morning again. Or when an activity has to be be cut short so we can turn around for him to go to the hospital that's a half an hour in the opposite direction. Or when he needs me to pick up an order at the airport because he simply can't be there himself after all.
I just need to be more flexible. We live in an area that several trips in and out of town really is no big deal. It's not like it's any massive drive really. And my boys truly seem no worse for the wear either- they still think their Dad hangs the moon somehow. These examples and lots more are the reason I chose this word for 2014- Flexible.
I've always been someone who just needs to 'lighten up.' Flexibility doesn't necessarily come easy to me, I wish it did. But I am capable of acknowledging when I need to be being flexible, even if I have to work myself down out of a tither to do it after the thought. I truly am grateful that our life, my husband's specifically, is so full, that as a result we are blessed more than ever before with the security I crave. With that gratitude needs to come more flexibility. And I know if I can be better at being flexible, I'll feel the measure of our blessings, and be able to play a part in increasing them even. Time to start stretching already...
If you have a word for this year too, I'd LOVE to hear it!
